I am actually acomplishing the things that I said I'd do this year, and am not liking it!!!!
I hate it, I don't like being this mean, neddy, depressed person...
I know it might sound retard, but I remember myself saying "dude I want to get really really depressed, but so depressed that I might need to take pills or something like that, and don't get out of bed, just being home getting fat and stop caring about what I wear, the way I look... blah blah blah..." and I just kept on going thinking of how cool it might be to be depressed, I mean after all, all the best artist create the most beautiful things when they are depressed, don't they???...
And now, here I am as depressed as any person can get, and I'm hating it with a passion...
I mean I've been mean to people, (he, that was redundant uh?) I know I said I'd be mean probably 'cause I thought that by making everybody unhappy I'd feel better, but hey! that ain't true my friend... I've hurt people with some comments, I've talked bad about people and that is just not me... I feel like if lately I've become a memeber of the Mean Girls clan... but hey am not in high school anymore, I need to be real and take life as it comes, and take it like a man...
Besides all that am so tired as well of being crying anytime I'm alone... I didn't really cry before, I mean am not a cryer... before this, the last time I cryed was like 5 years ago, and now I can't stop crying I cry for everything, I cry when I wake up, when I take a shower, when I go to the movies, when I listen to music, even when am taking a dump... not cool at all uh?
Well I guess I got what I wanted, now I'm mean, depressed and afraid of being alone... but you know what's the good thing? that I actually found out that this is not me, and that I don't like to be like this, so I guess that is good right... So I'll better start going backwards soon...
