My head is feeling numb, my ash tray is filled with done cigarrettes and I can't help but thinking of you, I just went to visit you last tuesday and it was so weird, I mean I miss you but I didn't feel the same feeling that I felt before...
I've just taken a very hard decision, I' ve taken off the bracelet that you gave me, your pictures are not longer in my walls, not because I don´t think of you, but because I think of you every minute that I breathe, and I know that I gotta move on... but it is hard you know... very very hard...
Recently I've been crying less, and I know that the crying situation is never gonna go away, and it might sound a bit masochist but I enjoy it... I enjoy crying for that love that we used to share, that love that we both embraced, and that we both thought that it was bigger than anything and will last forever, and I am sure that is the way it is, that is why I keep on crying, to make sure that you, wherever you are, are watching me, and feeling the same as I do, missing me, taking care of me and loving me as much as I do...

Actually hating it!!!

I am actually acomplishing the things that I said I'd do this year, and am not liking it!!!!

I hate it, I don't like being this mean, neddy, depressed person...

I know it might sound retard, but I remember myself saying "dude I want to get really really depressed, but so depressed that I might need to take pills or something like that, and don't get out of bed, just being home getting fat and stop caring about what I wear, the way I look... blah blah blah..." and I just kept on going thinking of how cool it might be to be depressed, I mean after all, all the best artist create the most beautiful things when they are depressed, don't they???...

And now, here I am as depressed as any person can get, and I'm hating it with a passion...

I mean I've been mean to people, (he, that was redundant uh?) I know I said I'd be mean probably 'cause I thought that by making everybody unhappy I'd feel better, but hey! that ain't true my friend... I've hurt people with some comments, I've talked bad about people and that is just not me... I feel like if lately I've become a memeber of the Mean Girls clan... but hey am not in high school anymore, I need to be real and take life as it comes, and take it like a man...

Besides all that am so tired as well of being crying anytime I'm alone... I didn't really cry before, I mean am not a cryer... before this, the last time I cryed was like 5 years ago, and now I can't stop crying I cry for everything, I cry when I wake up, when I take a shower, when I go to the movies, when I listen to music, even when am taking a dump... not cool at all uh?

Well I guess I got what I wanted, now I'm mean, depressed and afraid of being alone... but you know what's the good thing? that I actually found out that this is not me, and that I don't like to be like this, so I guess that is good right... So I'll better start going backwards soon...

SUPERSONIC CRAP

That's what this is all about

¿Qué pasa?

¿Año nuevo vida nueva? creo que eso no es más que una mierda que se ha inventado la gente para creerse ellos mismos qué el año siguiente todo va a estar bien y todo lo malo va a pasar..

Pero ¿Qué pasa cuando todos los días hay un momento en el cual sientes que el aire se te va acabando poco a poco?

¿Cuándo las personas que te quieren, por más que intentan entenderte no lo logran?

¿Cuándo tienes que llorar al menos una vez por día por qué hay algo que te incita a hacerlo?

¿Cuándo por más que intentas salir del hoyo en el cual te encuentras, lo único que consigues es hundirte más y más en él?

¿Cuándo te falta eso tan importante que completaba tu vida?...¿Qué pasa entonces?...

Han pasado ya 22 días de este año, y al parecer si hay una vida nueva, una vida horrible, en la cual tienes tantas cosas, pero te sigue faltando eso, eso por lo cual estarías dispuesto a dar todo lo que tienes para volver a tenerlo, pero ¡hey no hay vuelta atras!, lo hecho hecho esta!... todo el mundo dice que la vida sigue y qué todo esto pasará, pero al parecer no es fácil, nada fácil...